A new beginning!

Packing everything again, Its a lot of work, and man do i have a lot of stuff. A lot of mixed feelings. but i know this is for the good. Its just the moving part and getting everything settled that is stressful. sometimes its hard to see everything Dead outside. But i love it when the sun comes out. I look forward to the Red rocks and hopefully more color down there in St george. I look forward to a new adventure. I couldn't do this without the Savior. Without my parents/family, and Especially without my Best friends. and those who are friends/co-workers. I know i can do this, and i need to Look forward with brightness and hope. : )

The Real you.

In an article in the New Era by Elder Boyd K. Packer, Something struck out to me: When We die, Our Spirits leave our bodies for a time.

What will our spirits Look like?

You can't take with you make up, or physical things. NO worldy or earthly Possesions. You have Knowlege and what you have learned and the person INSIDE is all thats there. So you may have had a perfect face and body. But were you nice and Kind? Selfless? OR were you Prideful and Cynnical. Obsessing about your physical apprearance and worldy lusts that you forgot all about Whats really imporant-thus defacing and mangling that very person inside. Thinking about YOu and what you want and doing things for your gain, but hurt others and truly in the end yourself?

Maybe You don't have the perfect looks or body. Sure it is nice to take care of yourself and present yourself a representative of You and The important thing. But its always whats in there that counts.same question as above: Do You nourish or deprive your spirit? So Through faith and Patience, charity towards all, forgiveness, the Golden rule. Doing things you know are right, and staying away from what you know is bad. losing yourself in service of others and God, you find yourself.

Everyone will see the true person on the inside. and there will be No mask, no make up, no Physical anything To hide the Real you.

So again i ask: What will our spirits look like?

comments?

hmmm....

I know i should be s tudying, but i am having a hard time concentrating.

I have such good friends down here in price. I am so sad to leave them and go back to salt lake, not saying i don't miss the ones up there too. but with the ones down here, i may never see them again. Well...i will eventually when i pass out of this life, but that could be in like..... 80 years or something ha ha :'(

And it seems. FINALLY i have met some good friends that are guys, ones who talk to me and actually care about what is going on, but i know that once i move back home, all that will end because they are guys and won't keep in touch with me, JUST like all the others.

"How can a man be all that they say, when all i know is men run away. I think i lose a little bit of me, in every man that i see."

its just really hard. I just feel like I have good friends that are guys for a while, but then, they leave me for other things. Its just really hard. because i just want a stable guy friend, one who actually cares about me and Values our friendship. I'm still searching for one out there. And where distance DOES Not have to matter. where HE too will put forth some effort. but thats the thing, I am giving the effort and they don't. or eventually dont. :(

I am grateful for the "he" friends who had been there for me. i just don't think i can take much more of this any longer. I just hate to see things end or go the way they do. I'm trying. I'll just have to try a little harder.

Believe me i am praying, and i am going out there and trying to make friends and all that, and if you know me, i am the shy type, so i feel like i have been doing pretty good, but i know that my friendships won't be as strong once i leave this town. Summers get busy and people go their separate ways . I know Lord will help me out. Thank heavens He is always there for me. I just wish guys down here were too.

What's In a Name?

Megan Laurel Torgersen

Megan-
Welsh, Gaelic: meaning: Welsh diminutive form of Margaret mighty, strong able, pearl Megan is a, from Greek 'margaron', "pearl", and thus means "little pearl".

Laurel-
Creativity - Laurel was said to communicate the spirit of prophecy and poetry. Laurel leaves were commonly put under pillows at night to gain inspiration through dreams and its intoxicating properties are associated with prophetic and poetic inspiration.
Cleansing Properties and Magical Attributes - Laurel leaves surrounded the temple of Apollo to cleanse the soul before entering. It’s associated with purification and was seen as a plant with powers of immortality. Laurel supposedly awakens awareness and past life memories, stimulates psychic awareness, health and the powers of divination.
Peace and Protection - Today laurel is seen as a symbol of peace. It also indicates a power over the passions and is thought to protect from the influence of evil spirits and to give protection from lightening.
Achievement - It has long been a symbol of victory. Laurel was given as a symbol to the winner in Pythian games. Masons consider the laurel symbol to signify the hopeful expectation of success in the search for the True Word. In the bible, laurel is an emblem of prosperity and fame. In Christianity it is said to symbolize the resurrection of Christ and the triumph of humanity. It is also the source of the word Baccalaureate and of poet laureate.

Torgersen-
Norwegian: patronymic from Torger, a form of Old Norse þorgeirr, from þórr, name of the Norse god of thunder (see Thor) + geirr ‘spear’.

What’s in a name? What’s in my name? I don’t think there is any mistake I have been given this name. It means a lot to me. Its really Humbling because there is a lot i've got to work on.I'm not boasting about what i am, but what my name means, and How i can be like that. Its really amazing actually.. I must live up to my name. Megan Laurel Torgersen: establisher of Peace, victory, mighty, spear, of Olden beginning of Christianity. A symbol. Me.

I've decided now what i want in my wedding. I want to wear pearls and have Laurel leaves in my bouquet or something. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Sv2yzIrpaY

THis song is amazing to me. its not exactly about my name, but what i feel right now.

Guys,

So Things are well so far, I am posting this just because i need to, and not much to do with Nursing:

I am Grateful for who I am. I love me. I know i am not ugly, and What i am saying here is I have a lot of people say i am pretty/beautiful/ect. I am not boasting, its just what i've been told, and i don't think i'm ugly either.

I am just bothered by the fact that some guys Say nice things to me and sweet talk me and all that jazz because of the way i look. If in fact i were not the way i looked, i wonder, Would they Even care about WHO is on the inside, now thats a hard question to ask, because Of course, they will tell me, "Of course I would" But reallly, they've never known me as long as My family and Best friends. SO how in the world can they say that. Sure over time, they may realize they like who i am on the inside, but I think because of the way i look, they let those fences down because i am not ugly, and don't have to worry if some cute girl likes them or not. Ya see what i am trying to get at. Please, guys. Save your comments. I don't want to be Your girlfriend. Or your Rebound girl.

And another thing, Is when They are your friend and always so nice and sweet, and then you try to talk to them sometimes, and they are not there, Or I am always the one keeeping in touch! and I feel like an idiot because I want to show them i am their friend, but yet they don't Give the same effort. Yes i know, they are guys who don't have a clue, but You'd think maybe in this instance they would. wrong :(

My luck with having guy friends is well.........pretty poor, BUT that doesn't mean its gonna stay that way. I am gonna try. and those boys who cause me frustration, WILL be sorry for thinking they can treat me this way! i Ain't Takin Yo' crap ( insert assertive black lady voice)

Aight Foo! yo gonna be ma Friend, Well lisen Honey, Ya Betta Prove yahself! I aint yo Sugar! i dun wit dis! *snap snap*

heh. gettin a little carried away here ha ha

So guys, Shut up and be real. I'm sick of this nonsense. stay real.

and to My Girls. You gals rock. i love ya'lls. thanks for keeping me patient and everything :)

An update

Well i really Don't know who all looks at my Blogs, but sometimes its nice to write this out.

To be honest. I have been having a really tough time. I came home for valentine's weekend, and it has seriously been the best weekend for a long time. I was home in price for a month, and i have to say, that was the hardest month of the semester. BUT, I got through. with the Help of my Family and Friends.

Yeah, so valentines, had a princess party:) pretty much awesome! We dressed up and looked well, i'd say hot, or beautiful, or both ha ha, We just had fun together, and I hadn't laughed So hard in a long time, something much needed to laugh out everything. We wen to target, my fav moment of the night, and this little girl saw krista, and she was like..."she's Beauuuuuuuuuutiful!" over and over. Then, when we were leaving, we saw her and her dad and sister, and mind you, she's like 3. "there they are again! Bye Princess!" Cutest thing ever, i dont' think she'll ever forget it. It made my night. It was SO much fun.

It was just SO nice to be home. I really missed it. It was supposed to snow the day i was gonna leave, on tuesday. So My dad told me i had to be gone by 1pm. My whole day stuck having to go back to price for almost another month. I had never had a harder time leaving than when i first left home. I was close to throwing a fit, i kept telling them how i hate price and how i don't want to go back. I had a hard time. I ended up not even dealing with any snow, except in orem for about 10 min. and then it was clear skies the rest of the night. its been almost 2 weeks since i left home, and i am trying my best to keep my chin up and buck up. Now i am fine being down here. I like being somewhere small. But i realized how i dont have much of a social life, and there is nothing to do down here, which makes it hard, and i feel like i have...No guy friends, and I love having friends that are girls, but it would be nice to have friends that are guys. Just Friends, doesn't mean it has to be a relationship at all. Anyways, I've been having a hard time, and find myself on my knees a lot. It seems they all have moved on, and i hate that. Ugh, STUPID. Boys. i wonder if its something i've done wrong. but i know its not. i am trying to keep the friendships together, and its their own dang fault. but i'm not being pushy or anything. they are just stupid. is it sad to say i don't have a friend that im close enough to that i dont' have a best friend guy? :( Guys are much more laid back than girls, and i could use that right now. Anyways, i am going off...... basically, Its a little rough with that.

Thank heavens for my girls. They have really helped me pull through lately. Marisa, Madison, Krista, Gloria, Aya, Audrey, and Cristina, and others.

School. I have so many tests and things going on, its been OVERWHELMING. and seriously, i have been going insane. the other day i wanted to go and jump out the 3 story window where i live, just enough to break my bones. I never would, but just thats how i was feeling. I have been trying to go running and went to institute, and play on the piano, and pray, and listen to music which helps. But its hard at times too.

I am doing my best to stay positive and hang in there. So far so good, just once in a while I go downhill, but There are many moments i am so happy and appreciative, and I know, Now is the time to be happy, not wait for soemthing else to come.

I just think i needed to vent, I'm really going to be ok. It happens. and i am never alone, so Let the storms rage and the rain pour!

Oh and This weekend marks the Halfway point, AND spring break is in 2 weeks!! 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, SO CRAZY!

Well it seems again i have been behind again, i just posted the blog below me, i saved it in drafts and forgot about it...obviously.


So the semester is 1/3 of the way over with! and Boy, let me tell you, It has flown by. starting day one, like i had said, was very overwhelming. But you just take it for one day at a time. Here is how the Week goes in a nutshell.

Sunday: church @ 11-2 i speak this sunday! eek! then usually study time or munch'n mingle, and an occasional CES fireside and every 5th sunday they feed us:)

Monday: class from 8:30-1200 then its off to study for much of the day, work out, FHE

Tuesday: class from 8 or 8:30-1200, then go to the hospital to pick a patient and do care plans-which i highly despise, and pathophysiology papers on what our patient has, and drug cards, all that takes FOREVER to do. then its study till late.

Wednesday: 5:45-1:30 is clinicals at the hospital, sometimes i take a nap, as of late, i haven't :( so much to do. then its work on homework and whatever else.

Thursday: 5:45-1:30 again at the hospital, with 2 patients assigned to us and all the work that goes with that. come back to my dorm, shower, maybe sleep, i try not to, maybe work out, depending on how tired i am. then Study till late. We usually have tests on Fridays:(

Friday: class from 8:30/45-1200-usually get out early- then its study for 2 hours and then take the test which usually, for me goes from 45 min-90 mins depending on how hard the test is. Then I usually take a nap or go running or take a break! i honestly LOVE fridays! me and my girls will make yummy food and watch a movie or go find somewhere adventurous to go- we are creative here in this small town price. Fridays are fun:) especially if i can go home.

Saturday: Sleep IN! best Morning ever!!!!! :) i usually clean and get things organized before they get scattered monday:p And depending on if there is a test, which there is this tuesday, Studay for test and get other Homework issues taken care of. Oh the Joys of studying and homework:S

Its been about a month since i have gone home, but it's alright. The past month has Taught me a lot. I have had a couple experiences where i have been on my knees praying for help or for someone else. And its hard when you are having a really rough time because someone you care about a lot doesn't even try to return the friendship, and it hurts really bad. I find that God will send his tender mercies when you are far from home. As much as i wanted my family and friends back at home to be there physically right there with me, I have ones here to lift me up, there's Phones, and Instant Messaging. So its not like i've been totally cut off from the world:)

Some days are easier than others. Averaging 1-2 tests a week, I find sometimes i don't get a lot of sleep, and try to catch it up on the weekends. Some days there's not enough in the day to accomplish and i want to hide away in my covers or just get in the car and drive far, far away. and I value the essence of being alone. With being so busy, studying with friends, having roommates, class, clinical, church stuff, ect, activities, sometimes having time spent alone doesn't happen much. So last Friday, I was So wound up. It had been one of the hardest weeks of the semester...well..it WAS the hardest week.A lot of things that could be unfortunate, were. Both School and nonSchool. i got through it, but by friday, I didn't wan to socialize or do anything fun. I needed to be alone, So i got in the car, found a place to stargaze and TRUELY be alone. Amazing. i listened to my Music, and just was there, alone...not completely:) I felt so much better.

"Be believing.

Be happy.

Don't get discouraged

Things will work out."-President Hinckley

My Korean friend gave me that quote with a picture of president Hinckley her husband had drawn-pencil sketch, and AMAZING. And gave a pic of the salt lake temple as well. It was on one of my harder days-also the aniversary of the prophet's passing. Each time i looked at it, it gave me strength, not to mention i cried everytime i saw it.

Good news, with things that happen, or things pressing on my mind, stress, pondering, things that upset me, or some things that just amaze me, i find that i can compose better. Not necessarily when i'm really upset or angry, unless its a full blown out slam on keys jam...

I FINISHED completely FINISHED one of my piano Compositions!!!! Its name i am not certain on, but I think it will be called the rain song, since some friends keep saying this should be it. but other names i wanted to put for it are: My heart-because i feel like that song Says everything i feel inside without words; another is His Gift, because its God's gift to me, He inspires me to play what i do. It just comes. I am the instrument, and he allows my testimony to come out in my songs. Anyways.... :) its great! i love it, my fav. is the climax-usually climaxes are that way- but my friend Audrey said that when she closes her eyes, its like a pouring rainstorm, and it gets intense, that you can imagine the rain just pouring down intenstly... this song is unlike the others, that have a soft mellow, melodic tone to it, well this one does, but there is a lot of ....Power in it, which is why i like it. This song has morphed and been played over and over and added and subtracted things for years..since highschool. And Now, Finally. FINALLY!!! its Finished!!! :D *happy dance*

ROOMMATES:

I have 3 new rooommates. They are great. 2 of which i see. i have one who was here last semester. there are 5 of us. My Roommate's name is AYA, She is from Japan, and is THE awesomest Roommate ever! I love her to death! she is a little older than i am, but I enjoy having her as my roommate, i prayed i would get a good roommate, and i sure did:) She speaks english well...once in a while we aren't sure what each other is saying, but we figure it out. She is meeting with the missionaries right now, and knows a lot about the church, goes to all church activities with enthusiasm. She keeps me strong:) we have fun.

The other is Lisa, i can't remember her real name, but she is from Korea. she is great, and she is sweet:) I really like these girls. Lisa has her friends over a lot, and they like to cook, so it smells of Korean food quite often. they hang out a lot over here, which i am not used to from last semester, when our dorm was a ghost town.....(i miss that) but its all good.

I love it down here. I am here for a reason and I know God wanted me here, and provided a way, even tho at first it seemed impossible. I am Learning, not only about Nursing-the thing i've wanted to do my whole life- but about myself. I do love price, and i love everyone down here.

I will try to keep Things up to date, but seeing as its been 5 weeks since i had ATTEMPTED at it...We'll see what happens... I'll post some pics now:) i apologize for the smallness of some.

This here is Audrey, Cristina, and myself on a horse at the bowling alley
We have fun:) my good friends:)

At the Basketball game:)

There was a dress-up thing at the institute, and we had to do a short skit of some movie-we did enchanted ha ha, i got best actress award, which was a spraypainted gold-Mrs. butterworths syrup:)

The Moon was Really Big one night, amazing huh?

Me and AYA:) she is the best.