Waiting for the right one.

Today Has been and interesting Day. The date seemed like it was important somehow. But i couldn't place why. A thought occured to me that it has been 4 years since I met Michael. That day changed everything. I so happened to sit by him and make conversation with him and his friend. I am so shy i rarely do that. but sometimes something speaks to me and i just do it. Like how Madison and I became best friends because that day i decided to talk to her in 4th grade.

Well Here I am 4 years later from meeting him. In the course of those 4 years. I fell hard for him. and for a time he dropped off the face of the earth due to a tragedy in his life.Which was hard for me. Then when he came around. Our bond grew stronger. I moved to St George where I was actually able to see him in person. He lives in Vegas. I've never cared or Loved anybody more than I did him. The only problems were he's not LDS and distance. I hoped and prayed maybe i could help convert him. Though he never did. I never pushed him. I wish i had brought it up more to him. I was just scared. I was afraid to Have a relationship because i knew that if we had to break up because of these two issues, I won't compromise not being able to go to the temple.  I couldn't. I witheld so much. But i loved him so deeply. In a hard place. I prayed over a year ago for help separating because things I'd see on FB hurt me. I wondered if I was not in love with the person i knew wholly. Who was he? Well he got a Girlfriend last year. My heart broke. My prayers had been answered. It's taken me a year and I still think about him. In fact. I've thought about him every day for 4 years, still. I accidentally deleted him a few months back but It was good to cut off ties. As much as possible. little to no contact is best to separate. The past week or two have been hard because feelings came back after I notice he posted a video by Dashboard Confessional titled" end of an Anchor."  and he wrote " i miss you. " I KNOW that was for me. So its been on my mind a lot. I miss him too. I wish SO hard that he would say something. I randomly texted him a few months ago asking how he was doing and that I was thinking of him, and he replied that he thinks about me every day.  So I've fallen back into this habit of missing him and missing old times of when i felt so good inside because the love he felt for me.

Today especially. Frustrating. Trying to move on. and been fine till today. Went to his fb and just saw his profile picture. It was of him and this gorgeous girl. Must be his now girlfriend. how can it not? I just felt those feelings from last year breaking again. Here he is with someone. I'm still single Like I've always been. I sat down on the floor and began to cry. I noticed the picture of Christ on my wall.
So I realized and decided...
No, Megan. Stop crying.  He's not worth my tears any more. So I stopped. I will have someone worth the wait. This experience is going to help me realize how amazing my man will be. No he won't be perfect.But will be what I need. Someone God deems worthy to have me and cherish me.  He will love me. He is worth waiting for. He'll treat me better than any man I've dated has. And he'll be better than them. He will actually fight hard for me.  I have faith I'll find my man. What Michael and I had was important and i was meant to meet him. But it's a new season.And he's not a part of it. He probably never will be.  He's not worth my tears or thoughts any more. I can't keep holding on to memories of what it felt like to be loved. Even though I miss that feeling more than anything. And its been so long.....
So what I'm single and he has someone. God doesn't love me any less even if Michael does. I've been told it's worth the wait. I Believe it. And so help me. I'll wait a thousand years for that because I AM WORTH IT.

The image I will never shake.....

Is what i saw today. I was called by the Red Cross to help on the Health Services Dept for a disaster that happened 2 days ago. An apartment in Rose Park caught fire. over a hundred had to evacuate. I can't imagine the feelings felt as they watched everything they had go up in flames. Now here they stood, many of them far from any friends and family. all the comforts of living and personal belongings-even those things they owned that reminded them of home- gone.
One young man just 2 years older than I came in. He seemed pretty beaten down. He was feeling anxiety and generalized pain from the stresses he carried. Here he had no home, currently no job. He was so utterly hopeless. As he sat across from me and a fellow colleague, he described the physical pains he was feeling as he cried. The pains in his chest i think don't compare to the other pain in his chest. His heart. I had no idea what to do. I wanted to just give him a hug and cry with him. I did my job as the RN to help him. All I could do was pray in my heart for him. That's all that i felt i could do. Pray for help in knowing what to say or do in those awkward moments alone with him one time when my colleague left for something. I'm grateful for the other colleagues who knew what to say and how to help. This being my first time, my eyes were really opened. At first i was upset because I didn't want to miss conference and i honestly didn't feel like getting up early to be up and going and being the only RN or medical staff before the others would arrive. I felt anxiety the night before and wasn't sleeping well. I also was feeling much discouragement over the fact that I haven't done that kind of nursing in a while. all I do is go to school with fairly stable clients. What did I honestly have to give? What good would I be there? and so I felt discouraged. I managed to calm myself to sleep and as i woke the next morning, i felt ok.
I pulled into the LDS church building and see the Red Cross van with various other cars in the parking lot. A little hope sprung in me. That little spark that had dwindled down from that fire that burned with me of the desires to be a nurse. I felt a little apprehensive going in there, but once i met the outgoing nurse, and was instructed on what to do, i felt a little better. I heard stories of the night and of different clients. Things that made my heart hurt. But things that made my heart gladden on the effect i believe this nurse had on one particular young client.

Once the night nurse left, I was alone, and i felt my Heavenly Father's spirit. I believe He was glad I was there. I felt good. and happy.
The morning was fairly slow. Possibly 2 or 3 came in before i had someone to come work with me at noon. I felt confident in how i had helped these other patients. Although they were minor, simple things, i still felt important. I felt competent and more confident.
I was grateful for Ron, the EMT who was with me. He had taught me some good things and was so helpful. It was nice to be on a team again. Like having co-workers again! I felt the confidence as we discussed things with patients there and collaborating together to help ppl, such as this young man. I'm glad Ron was there to say things and help this guy out that I couldn't seem to know how or on what to do. I'm grateful for the Mental Health Coordinator who also was able to talk to him and decrease his anxiety and give him hope.

He came back later. And he seemed to be doing a lot better. I was soo glad. I saw a little spark of hope in him. Ron told him before leaving that Things were gonna be tough, but that there is hope and things are gonna get better. Thank you, Ron. I managed to smile at him and tell him I was glad he was doing better. I meant it too. He smiled and thanked me. I hope and pray he remembers that. Things will get better. In the midst of the hardest times, even if gradual, they do get better. Maybe this is something that will lead him in a new direction in his life. I sure hope so. As a Child of God, I want him to attain happiness. I pray so much for him.

I loved being there and helping people with their little needs. even if for a Headache. I was so glad I could help. Finally assist in the Red Cross. So great.
As I left, I thanked Ron and another Nurse who came for their help. The nurse said i gave beautiful report and wished me luck in my life. Ron said it was a pleasure to work with me and he was very impressed with me.
Driving home, I felt like that Registered Nurse that I am. I have a long way to go, but i felt like i was more competent than the discouraged me felt the night before. I felt like i had done something right. I hope i had brought some light in someone's life. I hope they saw the book of Mormon in my purse sticking out. I hadn't purposefully done that, but i hope they saw that book. I hope one day they may recall that dark blue, gold lettered book and remember the feelings that they felt. that There were nurses, emts, case workers, and others that cared about them in that dark hour of their life.

I hope that I can get more chances to work with Red Cross. Now that I've had a taste, i want more. If I can, i want to be able to reach out to others who struggle. and be better about it. Have words of comfort to say. be brave about it.

I'm grateful for my bed. my home. my family. my friends.My God . My Savior. His gospel. My room. my career. for my life!! I'm so grateful. I know that i'll continually have experiences to strengthen me. and help me grow as a Nurse. I'm grateful so grateful for this career that i chose. Something i knew in the pre-existence i was destined to be.

I'm looking forward to conference and hearing the things I need to desperately hear. I have answers that i need and I know the things i didn't think of or maybe that i was blind to, may spark a light in my eyes. I hope and pray for this among other answers that i desperately need to hear, i know I will be told.

What a great day. so glad for the gospel and the prophet and his apostles. Now to sleep so i can be well rested to hear the words of God through his messengers.

Killin me

This is a funny time of life.
Single life is great. So many great things about it. I have a lot i can do ahead of me. I have a lot planned to do. I enjoy life as much as i can in any situation. But Single comes at a price. Part of me really wishes i had someone in my life. I had someone in my life. that ended when he went for someone else. and then he ends up single again. we haven't spoken in 6 months when he broke it  I miss him like crazy, it's killin me. The hardest part is falling for someone who isn't even a member of the church. It's like I don't want to go back to that, but I don't feel like finding someone new. I need the temple. I am willing to wait for the right person. and it sucks. This waiting is really hard. A roller coaster. It scares me to think i could ever be married. part of me just wants to be single forever because I'm so used to it. Scared to meet someone. Scared out of my mind. I just wanna run. Run to my humanitarian mission somewhere across the world far far away.... I hope one day. not now, but one day I can let this go and not be afraid and let myself fall for the right guy. just one day at a time....

O LOVE THAT WILT NOT LET ME GO

I am so glad my dad sings in the Tabernacle Choir. The times i appreciate the greatest are Sundays. I ask him what songs they sang, or discuss songs they sang if i got the chance to watch the broadcast-which i try to do. I do enjoy watching the recording with him when I can. He knows my love for music and we share that love and I get the best opportunity to hear the stories behind these songs that they sing. Today's song to finish the broadcast was one I never heard.
the story
 George Matheson was blind. His fiance had left him because she couldn't be married to someone who was blind. He was heartbroken. His sister had cared for him for years, and too was leaving because she was getting married. he wrote,"My Hymn was composed in the manse of Inn élan (argyle shire, Scotland) on the evening of the 6th of June 1882, when I was 40 years of age. I was alone in the manse at that time. It was the night of my sister’s marriage, and the rest of the family were staying overnight in Glasgow. Something happened to me, which was known only to myself, and which caused me the most severe mental suffering. The hymn was the fruit of that suffering. It was the quickest bit of work I ever did in my life. I had the impression of having it dictated to me by some inward voice rather than of working it out myself. I am quite sure that the whole work was completed in five minutes, and equally sure that it never received at my hands any retouching or correction. I have no natural gift of rhythm. All the other verses I have ever written are manufactured articles, this came like a day of spring from on high."

O Love that wilt not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee;

I give thee back the life I owe,

That in thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,

I yield my flickering torch to thee;

My heart restores its borrowed ray,

That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day

May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,

I cannot close my heart to thee;

I trace the rainbow through the rain,

And feel the promise is not vain,

That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,

I dare not ask to fly from thee;

I lay in dust life’s glory dead,

And from the ground there blossoms red

Life that shall endless be.

The choir sang it beautifully. My dad spoke about different phrases. The thing that i loved is he had me close my eyes and just take in the moment of the song. after the last line, the choir Sang " O Cross, O Love, O Cross, O Love." Each word sung in a different chord that struck me to the heart. Chills run through my body as the testimonies of these artists ring out. It was electrifying. How someone writes such a beautiful piece of music in 5 minutes is truly heaven-sent. The arrangement by the choir was not earthly. It felt like heaven. It was so powerful. I opened my eyes and seeing the tears in my dad's eyes brought me to so much gratitude. This song has so much meaning to me. This is one example of the many songs that my dad has introduced to my mom and I. So many songs that have SUCH meaning to me. Knowing the story behind a song gives it so much more meaning. Lately my taste in music has become a lot of classical music and songs that feel so passionate. Passionate for the love of music. For the expressions of what one feels. It's incredible. The radio so many times doesn't give me the satisfaction of what I desire. I really can't stand the popular songs that are overplayed. I love the songs that show true talent. As a musician, i hold the songs i compose very dear to my  heart. I'm not eloquent with words or with voice, my dance is alright, But my piano music is how I speak inside. I thank God for the power of Music. 

Lately!

sheesh i haven't updated in who knows how long. Months? a yeah? not that anybody reads my blogs. St George Is great. I love it. Weather is amazing. ROOMMATES are amazing. Life is going pretty well. It was homecoming week this week. and man sadly I didnt' participate in anything at all going on. How pathetic is that? what's even more pathetic i don't have any "dixie" type of clothes. i just don't want to spend the money on one. thats like CEU i never got one from there. oh dear. The Dance was tonight. I remember how guys choice dances were such a huge thing in High School And I remember never going to one which for me was a HUGE deal. I'm sure i could have gone if i wanted to with someone. but I really don't care about any of that. My Roommate, Lauren and I went with what we thought were free tickets to get in on our fridge. its 5 dollars a couple and 10 dollars for singles! Crazy! Well our tickets are the type you get at classic skating or at a carnival ha. We get there. and I had my bridesmaid dress on and it can go as either pretty classy or also good for church. We had gone to a meeting thing before stake conference tomorrow, so my hair was already in a nice bun thing and a headband. all i did was my eye make up. not a lot of work. we walked up there and it looked SO lame inside. ok it had just started a half hour previously, but yeah. i don't know. We realized the tickets must have been for something else. So we left. heck no am i paying 10 dollars! : )

tho i do have to admit that being asked to a dance would be fun. I haven't gotten all dressed up for a nice date in.... well. I don't remember the last time, or if there ever has been a time i've gotten to dress up for a date. oh Omega dance. that was fun. and was about 3 years ago. so yeah. My bishop says he hopes i find a really good guy because i deserve one, and that makes me feel special. I'm not interested in any guys here in St George. But there's Michael, Las Vegas is far away and its been 3 or 4 weeks since I've seen him. :/ and probably 2 more weeks till i might see him again. that makes it hard. He's a really great friend. Just too bad he lives 2 hours away.

School i love, but i've been slacking a LOT. i am getting very distracted. I start my Preceptors the week after Fall break. I am so nervous for it. I hope it all goes well. I am not taking things seriously. I am tempted to delete my FB or do something so that i don't check it or even get on it. after fall break, its going to be so insanely hard and crazy. I've been having a rough week this past week, but i am hanging in there. Just a lot of thinking and a lot of trying to figure out what the next step is and how i can prepare for it. Mission/humanitarian ? where to work? seeing as there are not really any jobs for Nurses here in Utah. We will find out.

I still love life and i love my ward and my Bishop so much. i am really so blessed. I really have the best ones here. How i landed amazing people i don'n know. As much as I loved Price, i really Love St George. I am having a good time down here. At times i don't want to leave this place. I know its all in the Lord's hands and I am going to go wherever he leads me.

well thats all with life. Can't complain too much about it :)

St George

Its a beautiful place here! I am studying a lot and it takes a lot of time, but i Like to learn and These sacrifices will pay off for something in the future. So i am holding on and going through these motions. i wish i had closer roommates and Friends, I do have Danette, she's the closest one here. I'm glad i have her. I guess sometimes i look down upon myself for not having tons and tons of fun and amazing things like other people. Or the popularity and ect. that others have. i know i never really have, and it doesn't matter. I shouldn't do that just because i don't have close friends or roommates down here. Despite this situation, i am trying. I really am. and i will make the best of my experience :) One day i will meet an awesome guy. but not for now i guess. i mean yeah, there are cool guys, and some hot ones, usually accompanied with a girl >:P its true when i or Krista says : All the Good ones are either taken, Dead/ Fictional!! bah. oh well. Krista comes in a few days, so it will be good. I best prepare myself for her arrival.

i just Thought of something as i am typing this. I need to spiritually prepare myself better for when The Saviour Comes. I am doing good, But i need to work harder. Especially for Nursing school. I know this profession is going to help a LOT of people. This is Just not a Career, its a Calling. I'm glad things are hard when they are. I'm glad school kicks me to make sure i'm in line. Its gonna make me a better thing. I see from past experience, all these things are working out for the good. and If i am working hard and doing it for good, Its not going to waste. So even tho i Don't have all the friends and parties and this or that. Its just fine. Lord Loves me for me, and it doesn't matter if i am popular or invisible down here! As long as i serve and do my part! When He comes, he won't ask me how popular i was, or how many crazy things or how many friends i had, he will want to know who i helped. and What i have learned while being down here. Ah typing this out has made my now going to study a more positive experience, than just the regular daily Grind. OFF TO THE LIBRARY!!! :)

A new beginning!

Packing everything again, Its a lot of work, and man do i have a lot of stuff. A lot of mixed feelings. but i know this is for the good. Its just the moving part and getting everything settled that is stressful. sometimes its hard to see everything Dead outside. But i love it when the sun comes out. I look forward to the Red rocks and hopefully more color down there in St george. I look forward to a new adventure. I couldn't do this without the Savior. Without my parents/family, and Especially without my Best friends. and those who are friends/co-workers. I know i can do this, and i need to Look forward with brightness and hope. : )

The Real you.

In an article in the New Era by Elder Boyd K. Packer, Something struck out to me: When We die, Our Spirits leave our bodies for a time.

What will our spirits Look like?

You can't take with you make up, or physical things. NO worldy or earthly Possesions. You have Knowlege and what you have learned and the person INSIDE is all thats there. So you may have had a perfect face and body. But were you nice and Kind? Selfless? OR were you Prideful and Cynnical. Obsessing about your physical apprearance and worldy lusts that you forgot all about Whats really imporant-thus defacing and mangling that very person inside. Thinking about YOu and what you want and doing things for your gain, but hurt others and truly in the end yourself?

Maybe You don't have the perfect looks or body. Sure it is nice to take care of yourself and present yourself a representative of You and The important thing. But its always whats in there that counts.same question as above: Do You nourish or deprive your spirit? So Through faith and Patience, charity towards all, forgiveness, the Golden rule. Doing things you know are right, and staying away from what you know is bad. losing yourself in service of others and God, you find yourself.

Everyone will see the true person on the inside. and there will be No mask, no make up, no Physical anything To hide the Real you.

So again i ask: What will our spirits look like?

comments?

hmmm....

I know i should be s tudying, but i am having a hard time concentrating.

I have such good friends down here in price. I am so sad to leave them and go back to salt lake, not saying i don't miss the ones up there too. but with the ones down here, i may never see them again. Well...i will eventually when i pass out of this life, but that could be in like..... 80 years or something ha ha :'(

And it seems. FINALLY i have met some good friends that are guys, ones who talk to me and actually care about what is going on, but i know that once i move back home, all that will end because they are guys and won't keep in touch with me, JUST like all the others.

"How can a man be all that they say, when all i know is men run away. I think i lose a little bit of me, in every man that i see."

its just really hard. I just feel like I have good friends that are guys for a while, but then, they leave me for other things. Its just really hard. because i just want a stable guy friend, one who actually cares about me and Values our friendship. I'm still searching for one out there. And where distance DOES Not have to matter. where HE too will put forth some effort. but thats the thing, I am giving the effort and they don't. or eventually dont. :(

I am grateful for the "he" friends who had been there for me. i just don't think i can take much more of this any longer. I just hate to see things end or go the way they do. I'm trying. I'll just have to try a little harder.

Believe me i am praying, and i am going out there and trying to make friends and all that, and if you know me, i am the shy type, so i feel like i have been doing pretty good, but i know that my friendships won't be as strong once i leave this town. Summers get busy and people go their separate ways . I know Lord will help me out. Thank heavens He is always there for me. I just wish guys down here were too.

What's In a Name?

Megan Laurel Torgersen

Megan-
Welsh, Gaelic: meaning: Welsh diminutive form of Margaret mighty, strong able, pearl Megan is a, from Greek 'margaron', "pearl", and thus means "little pearl".

Laurel-
Creativity - Laurel was said to communicate the spirit of prophecy and poetry. Laurel leaves were commonly put under pillows at night to gain inspiration through dreams and its intoxicating properties are associated with prophetic and poetic inspiration.
Cleansing Properties and Magical Attributes - Laurel leaves surrounded the temple of Apollo to cleanse the soul before entering. It’s associated with purification and was seen as a plant with powers of immortality. Laurel supposedly awakens awareness and past life memories, stimulates psychic awareness, health and the powers of divination.
Peace and Protection - Today laurel is seen as a symbol of peace. It also indicates a power over the passions and is thought to protect from the influence of evil spirits and to give protection from lightening.
Achievement - It has long been a symbol of victory. Laurel was given as a symbol to the winner in Pythian games. Masons consider the laurel symbol to signify the hopeful expectation of success in the search for the True Word. In the bible, laurel is an emblem of prosperity and fame. In Christianity it is said to symbolize the resurrection of Christ and the triumph of humanity. It is also the source of the word Baccalaureate and of poet laureate.

Torgersen-
Norwegian: patronymic from Torger, a form of Old Norse þorgeirr, from þórr, name of the Norse god of thunder (see Thor) + geirr ‘spear’.

What’s in a name? What’s in my name? I don’t think there is any mistake I have been given this name. It means a lot to me. Its really Humbling because there is a lot i've got to work on.I'm not boasting about what i am, but what my name means, and How i can be like that. Its really amazing actually.. I must live up to my name. Megan Laurel Torgersen: establisher of Peace, victory, mighty, spear, of Olden beginning of Christianity. A symbol. Me.

I've decided now what i want in my wedding. I want to wear pearls and have Laurel leaves in my bouquet or something. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Sv2yzIrpaY

THis song is amazing to me. its not exactly about my name, but what i feel right now.

Guys,

So Things are well so far, I am posting this just because i need to, and not much to do with Nursing:

I am Grateful for who I am. I love me. I know i am not ugly, and What i am saying here is I have a lot of people say i am pretty/beautiful/ect. I am not boasting, its just what i've been told, and i don't think i'm ugly either.

I am just bothered by the fact that some guys Say nice things to me and sweet talk me and all that jazz because of the way i look. If in fact i were not the way i looked, i wonder, Would they Even care about WHO is on the inside, now thats a hard question to ask, because Of course, they will tell me, "Of course I would" But reallly, they've never known me as long as My family and Best friends. SO how in the world can they say that. Sure over time, they may realize they like who i am on the inside, but I think because of the way i look, they let those fences down because i am not ugly, and don't have to worry if some cute girl likes them or not. Ya see what i am trying to get at. Please, guys. Save your comments. I don't want to be Your girlfriend. Or your Rebound girl.

And another thing, Is when They are your friend and always so nice and sweet, and then you try to talk to them sometimes, and they are not there, Or I am always the one keeeping in touch! and I feel like an idiot because I want to show them i am their friend, but yet they don't Give the same effort. Yes i know, they are guys who don't have a clue, but You'd think maybe in this instance they would. wrong :(

My luck with having guy friends is well.........pretty poor, BUT that doesn't mean its gonna stay that way. I am gonna try. and those boys who cause me frustration, WILL be sorry for thinking they can treat me this way! i Ain't Takin Yo' crap ( insert assertive black lady voice)

Aight Foo! yo gonna be ma Friend, Well lisen Honey, Ya Betta Prove yahself! I aint yo Sugar! i dun wit dis! *snap snap*

heh. gettin a little carried away here ha ha

So guys, Shut up and be real. I'm sick of this nonsense. stay real.

and to My Girls. You gals rock. i love ya'lls. thanks for keeping me patient and everything :)

An update

Well i really Don't know who all looks at my Blogs, but sometimes its nice to write this out.

To be honest. I have been having a really tough time. I came home for valentine's weekend, and it has seriously been the best weekend for a long time. I was home in price for a month, and i have to say, that was the hardest month of the semester. BUT, I got through. with the Help of my Family and Friends.

Yeah, so valentines, had a princess party:) pretty much awesome! We dressed up and looked well, i'd say hot, or beautiful, or both ha ha, We just had fun together, and I hadn't laughed So hard in a long time, something much needed to laugh out everything. We wen to target, my fav moment of the night, and this little girl saw krista, and she was like..."she's Beauuuuuuuuuutiful!" over and over. Then, when we were leaving, we saw her and her dad and sister, and mind you, she's like 3. "there they are again! Bye Princess!" Cutest thing ever, i dont' think she'll ever forget it. It made my night. It was SO much fun.

It was just SO nice to be home. I really missed it. It was supposed to snow the day i was gonna leave, on tuesday. So My dad told me i had to be gone by 1pm. My whole day stuck having to go back to price for almost another month. I had never had a harder time leaving than when i first left home. I was close to throwing a fit, i kept telling them how i hate price and how i don't want to go back. I had a hard time. I ended up not even dealing with any snow, except in orem for about 10 min. and then it was clear skies the rest of the night. its been almost 2 weeks since i left home, and i am trying my best to keep my chin up and buck up. Now i am fine being down here. I like being somewhere small. But i realized how i dont have much of a social life, and there is nothing to do down here, which makes it hard, and i feel like i have...No guy friends, and I love having friends that are girls, but it would be nice to have friends that are guys. Just Friends, doesn't mean it has to be a relationship at all. Anyways, I've been having a hard time, and find myself on my knees a lot. It seems they all have moved on, and i hate that. Ugh, STUPID. Boys. i wonder if its something i've done wrong. but i know its not. i am trying to keep the friendships together, and its their own dang fault. but i'm not being pushy or anything. they are just stupid. is it sad to say i don't have a friend that im close enough to that i dont' have a best friend guy? :( Guys are much more laid back than girls, and i could use that right now. Anyways, i am going off...... basically, Its a little rough with that.

Thank heavens for my girls. They have really helped me pull through lately. Marisa, Madison, Krista, Gloria, Aya, Audrey, and Cristina, and others.

School. I have so many tests and things going on, its been OVERWHELMING. and seriously, i have been going insane. the other day i wanted to go and jump out the 3 story window where i live, just enough to break my bones. I never would, but just thats how i was feeling. I have been trying to go running and went to institute, and play on the piano, and pray, and listen to music which helps. But its hard at times too.

I am doing my best to stay positive and hang in there. So far so good, just once in a while I go downhill, but There are many moments i am so happy and appreciative, and I know, Now is the time to be happy, not wait for soemthing else to come.

I just think i needed to vent, I'm really going to be ok. It happens. and i am never alone, so Let the storms rage and the rain pour!

Oh and This weekend marks the Halfway point, AND spring break is in 2 weeks!! 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, SO CRAZY!

Well it seems again i have been behind again, i just posted the blog below me, i saved it in drafts and forgot about it...obviously.


So the semester is 1/3 of the way over with! and Boy, let me tell you, It has flown by. starting day one, like i had said, was very overwhelming. But you just take it for one day at a time. Here is how the Week goes in a nutshell.

Sunday: church @ 11-2 i speak this sunday! eek! then usually study time or munch'n mingle, and an occasional CES fireside and every 5th sunday they feed us:)

Monday: class from 8:30-1200 then its off to study for much of the day, work out, FHE

Tuesday: class from 8 or 8:30-1200, then go to the hospital to pick a patient and do care plans-which i highly despise, and pathophysiology papers on what our patient has, and drug cards, all that takes FOREVER to do. then its study till late.

Wednesday: 5:45-1:30 is clinicals at the hospital, sometimes i take a nap, as of late, i haven't :( so much to do. then its work on homework and whatever else.

Thursday: 5:45-1:30 again at the hospital, with 2 patients assigned to us and all the work that goes with that. come back to my dorm, shower, maybe sleep, i try not to, maybe work out, depending on how tired i am. then Study till late. We usually have tests on Fridays:(

Friday: class from 8:30/45-1200-usually get out early- then its study for 2 hours and then take the test which usually, for me goes from 45 min-90 mins depending on how hard the test is. Then I usually take a nap or go running or take a break! i honestly LOVE fridays! me and my girls will make yummy food and watch a movie or go find somewhere adventurous to go- we are creative here in this small town price. Fridays are fun:) especially if i can go home.

Saturday: Sleep IN! best Morning ever!!!!! :) i usually clean and get things organized before they get scattered monday:p And depending on if there is a test, which there is this tuesday, Studay for test and get other Homework issues taken care of. Oh the Joys of studying and homework:S

Its been about a month since i have gone home, but it's alright. The past month has Taught me a lot. I have had a couple experiences where i have been on my knees praying for help or for someone else. And its hard when you are having a really rough time because someone you care about a lot doesn't even try to return the friendship, and it hurts really bad. I find that God will send his tender mercies when you are far from home. As much as i wanted my family and friends back at home to be there physically right there with me, I have ones here to lift me up, there's Phones, and Instant Messaging. So its not like i've been totally cut off from the world:)

Some days are easier than others. Averaging 1-2 tests a week, I find sometimes i don't get a lot of sleep, and try to catch it up on the weekends. Some days there's not enough in the day to accomplish and i want to hide away in my covers or just get in the car and drive far, far away. and I value the essence of being alone. With being so busy, studying with friends, having roommates, class, clinical, church stuff, ect, activities, sometimes having time spent alone doesn't happen much. So last Friday, I was So wound up. It had been one of the hardest weeks of the semester...well..it WAS the hardest week.A lot of things that could be unfortunate, were. Both School and nonSchool. i got through it, but by friday, I didn't wan to socialize or do anything fun. I needed to be alone, So i got in the car, found a place to stargaze and TRUELY be alone. Amazing. i listened to my Music, and just was there, alone...not completely:) I felt so much better.

"Be believing.

Be happy.

Don't get discouraged

Things will work out."-President Hinckley

My Korean friend gave me that quote with a picture of president Hinckley her husband had drawn-pencil sketch, and AMAZING. And gave a pic of the salt lake temple as well. It was on one of my harder days-also the aniversary of the prophet's passing. Each time i looked at it, it gave me strength, not to mention i cried everytime i saw it.

Good news, with things that happen, or things pressing on my mind, stress, pondering, things that upset me, or some things that just amaze me, i find that i can compose better. Not necessarily when i'm really upset or angry, unless its a full blown out slam on keys jam...

I FINISHED completely FINISHED one of my piano Compositions!!!! Its name i am not certain on, but I think it will be called the rain song, since some friends keep saying this should be it. but other names i wanted to put for it are: My heart-because i feel like that song Says everything i feel inside without words; another is His Gift, because its God's gift to me, He inspires me to play what i do. It just comes. I am the instrument, and he allows my testimony to come out in my songs. Anyways.... :) its great! i love it, my fav. is the climax-usually climaxes are that way- but my friend Audrey said that when she closes her eyes, its like a pouring rainstorm, and it gets intense, that you can imagine the rain just pouring down intenstly... this song is unlike the others, that have a soft mellow, melodic tone to it, well this one does, but there is a lot of ....Power in it, which is why i like it. This song has morphed and been played over and over and added and subtracted things for years..since highschool. And Now, Finally. FINALLY!!! its Finished!!! :D *happy dance*

ROOMMATES:

I have 3 new rooommates. They are great. 2 of which i see. i have one who was here last semester. there are 5 of us. My Roommate's name is AYA, She is from Japan, and is THE awesomest Roommate ever! I love her to death! she is a little older than i am, but I enjoy having her as my roommate, i prayed i would get a good roommate, and i sure did:) She speaks english well...once in a while we aren't sure what each other is saying, but we figure it out. She is meeting with the missionaries right now, and knows a lot about the church, goes to all church activities with enthusiasm. She keeps me strong:) we have fun.

The other is Lisa, i can't remember her real name, but she is from Korea. she is great, and she is sweet:) I really like these girls. Lisa has her friends over a lot, and they like to cook, so it smells of Korean food quite often. they hang out a lot over here, which i am not used to from last semester, when our dorm was a ghost town.....(i miss that) but its all good.

I love it down here. I am here for a reason and I know God wanted me here, and provided a way, even tho at first it seemed impossible. I am Learning, not only about Nursing-the thing i've wanted to do my whole life- but about myself. I do love price, and i love everyone down here.

I will try to keep Things up to date, but seeing as its been 5 weeks since i had ATTEMPTED at it...We'll see what happens... I'll post some pics now:) i apologize for the smallness of some.

This here is Audrey, Cristina, and myself on a horse at the bowling alley
We have fun:) my good friends:)

At the Basketball game:)

There was a dress-up thing at the institute, and we had to do a short skit of some movie-we did enchanted ha ha, i got best actress award, which was a spraypainted gold-Mrs. butterworths syrup:)

The Moon was Really Big one night, amazing huh?

Me and AYA:) she is the best.

I've gotten behind in my writing!

I apologize, It kinda slipped, i guess i was too impaitient for the Pictures to upload. I am not sure what all to talk about last semester, But, I was very Busy around that time, Clinicals, Tests, Ect. I passed my FINALS!! i was worried about Pharmacology! but i managed to get through!



Now it is a beginning of a new Semester. Today was Day one. For one, i didn't get much sleep because i went to bed late and wasn't used to my dorm bed, and got up early.

So then i get to class and the teacher unload everything the semester consists of. overwhelming? Oh yes. We started class after we were told that we'll be doing all semester. Watching videos of babies being born and types of births. Very Intriguing, i'll have to admit that at one part i almost wanted to throw up and faint. But the Rest of it was pretty awesome!



I am back at my Dorm, we have 4 new roommates. Me and one other girl are still here from last year. I've met three, One being my actuall Roommate, her name is Iya, she is From Japan, She was living in provo for a while. SHe is really Cute and loves to socialize!She speakes Japanese, English, and Italian. She is Not LDS but loves going to all the church activities and participating in everything. Back in Provo, she felt very pressured about baptism. And so she didn't, but we'll see what this semester will Hold. :) She is awesome. Oh and her Favorite color is PURPLE!! i think we are going to get along Very well. :)



One of the other Roommates is Lisa, she is from Korea, she is cute, i haven't talked to her much. The other roommate is Page, she is in the Cosmetology program with Kabrina, who was here last sem. with me. There is one other Roommate, but she hasn't moved in yet, So we;ll see what happens.



Its weird being back, but i know i can get through this. I took a nap for 2.5 hours and feel less overwhelmed. :) (for now)



CHRISTMAS BREAK!



Was wonderful. I was able to see a lot of my friends,One being Madison who i hadn't seen since August! She was in China. Went sledding( I don't advise Holding hands while going down at the same time on different sleds, BAd idea!) , snow fights, HOT CHOCOLATE, Star wars Marathon of the old original movies, Going to the movies, Out to eat, Country dancing, and just get together!

I saw a lot of family, Cousins from out of state that i haven't seen for a long time Months, and even Years! it was Splendid! I worked and earned up a good amount of money, and Saw some Great Co-workers! It felt as if i had never left Home. I had a hard time at first because i felt that i neeeded to study something, but i had all this free time. WOW! it was good!



For Christmas, I got a scarf, a book, money, some nail care kit, and............ TICKETS TO SEE WICKED!!!!!! I was SO excited! Beyond anything! i Didn't see it coming! i figured once i was done with Nursing school, i'd treat myself to see wicked somewhere. I will be going with my Mom.



I had seen the Mormon tabernacle Choir Concert, The Forgotton Carols, Jon Schmidt concert and other various concerts. All very worthwhile, i felt the spirit, and it was good.



My break was great, I could focus more on things like my compositions, and Christ, which is what the Holiday season is ALL about. I tried not wasting my time with all the Commercialism of it all. But saying all this, we should always focus on Christ just as much all year. Always giving, and being thankful.

Pictures of lately:)

Alright, Here is a BUNCH of pictures I have taken from Last sunday (10/19) going up until yesterday (10/25) So starting from last sunday till yesterday is the order they go. My friend and i went to take pics and saw the train tracks, they looked really pretty, so We went there. Then Skip to friday where i needed a get away because the week has been really hard and i just neeeded to get away for some peace and "me" time, I have been feeling not myself all week and its been not good. So I got away and took pics wherever i felt like:) Saturday is just pics of when i was out studying and the sunset.



We took pictures on the Tracks...dont worry, we didnt have train troubles:)

This one is on a bridge overlooking a ridge on the sunset with the fall colors:) I love this pic! :)

THis is part of the bridge still, but its really pretty here with more trees.

I love leaves! they are falling everywhere!

I am a dramatic person, Hence the pic:) I love the tree behind me with a million different colors:)

Another personal favorite. I took it. Self timer of course;)

Yay! gotta love the leaves!!!

Now this is on a different day, This was on Friday 10/24. I had to get out of price. I needed to break away because the week was uber long and stressful. So i went driving into the canyon, i didnt care where i was going, but if i saw something i felt like taking a pic of i would. I didnt go too far, seeing as Spanish fork canyon is big and some places are dangerous, so i just went to easy places to stop off.

Here is a spot where 2 trains obviously come out of the canyon. I have a thing with train tracks and trains, they are so cool! :)

There also was this amazing river: price rivier that was flowing by the tracks, with teh trees and whatnot, it looked amazing, i didnt want to go all the way down by myself, so thsi is as good as it gets till i find someone to go with me. plus, what if there were bears and cougers?

So after the river and train track scene, i went a litte farther in the canyon and turned down a road that goes to emma State park i think its called... anyhow all it was was feilds and some cows, and a long road, not a lot of cars were there, but an occasional car or semi would go down there.

I found this really prettty spot and took pics there. Here is another Dramatic picture:) I am not a real cowgirl, but i like the hat effect:) it fits with the scene.

I guess i'd call this the Non cowgirl pic, but same dramatic nontheless ha ha

I think i should put this on an album cover if i were to ever have an album ha ha..

Isn't that such a beautiful Scene? :) Its amazing what you can find out there in the world, God sure makes a lot of beautiful things for us:)

Dang, Too bad you cant see the dead Cyote, if i had turned my camera a little to the left, you'd be able to see it, on that mound by the road. :p

I went outside on Saturday 10/25 To Study, and there are still some lovely flowers out, Naturally, i gotta take a pic:)

Studying outside:) what a beautiful day:)

My shadow

Here is a field that looks part of campus.

Here are some sunset pictures. THis one below me looks like a baby dragon thing and the big cloud looks like the mama dragon:) they have their mouths open kinda ha ha...

This is What it looks like walking down the sidewalk on campus, across the street is the institute. I love the fall colors.

Well I Hope you have enjoyed the pics:) I will hopefully post more up if i can, and i'm sure there whill be more. I am Doing better, Just cant let it get to me. I feel a lot better, Today i had church and a fireside, and it was great, i feel better about me and i feel like myself. ITs going to be a good week. Well Enjoy your days! and Remember to smile!

Love,

megan:)

cant think of anything to name this blog

Hello!

Well it sure Has been another week. Its been insane i am not sure where to begin, I Had a wonderful fall break where Everything seemed to go right:) I worked at TOSH, the first time in 3 months. it was a little weird to be back there, I was kept plenty busy. Thursdays are busy anywyas, so to top that off, it was insane, but i loved it still:) It felt nice to feel what things used to be:) and It was great to see everyone. And it was great to earn some extra Money!! :)

I was able to see some good friends while i was home and it was so good to see them! Friday night my friends and i had an irish dance performance that went terrible, but the saturday performance at thanksgiving point was fabulous! I felt so happy to be dancing and seeing everyone! it was great! Saturday night my Friend's sister threw a suprise party for him, and It was a Blast! i really had a wonderful time there and It was great to see some other people i hadn't for a while, and it was nice meeting new people and having fun with them. I spent a lot of my friday with my mom going downtown and hoping to see the bodyworlds exhibit, but it didnt work out, but we still had a good time.

It felt SO good to be home, i just felt like i hadn't ever moved to price and that price was in teh back of my head, I was at home for 5 days! :) or 4, whatever it was, i had a real good time! when i wen back, it was a little hard, my Dad and Ben were out of town to ben's old mission in Alabama. They came back about an hour after i had left sunday afternoon. I had to leave early to pick out apatient...which was lame to leave early. But we did anyways, my friend was driving, so i didn't have much of a choice. My mom was at meetings for chuch, so she didnt even get home till later, a while after i had left.

Then the week started.....Ever since i have been back to price its been crazy, everyone has had midterms, for us, we have an exam every week, so it felt like the same old...haha... We did start clinicals at the hospital, which went very well, i was so nervous, even though i know some of that stuff. I Gave someone medication!!! i was so excited! My friend gave a shot to someone! we were so excited ha ha the little things to nurses that make the students so excited.....:)

Well anyhow, the week has been long and hard at times but i am sure glad its the weekend, If anything exciting happens, i think i should post it up...Who knows, anyways, i am doing alright, feeling a little overwhelmed and all these emotions going like crazy, I feel like i need a break even though i just had one last week, Everyone else down here feels the same way. Well this is it for now, i'll be sure to post more if something goes on, this blog isn't very exciting, i'll try to change that for the next one! please comment!

the other day....

THIS is a Blog i was ranting about on myspace, and since some people who may read this arent on myspace i might as well put it on this website too here is what i wrote....

I’ve had enough...
Current mood: disappointed

I am dissapointed. And saddened. I dislike the word hate directed at a person. Its sad to hear someone say I HATE so and so, I hate this person. Its terrible. I wish people would stop. I feel bad if i have ever said that toward a person and if i have, i hope to never Say it toward anybody ever again. Hate brings such strong, evil feelings.
In class today, there was such a bad vibe. We have a teacher who is inconsistent and well....teaching isnt her thing. The LPN class last year had a hard time with her, and so are we, her tests are hard, and we dont know, sometiems what is the right thing to know. Let me tell ya...its frustrating sometimes... But she is a good person, She is trying, and maybe she's not looking at our point of veiw, and maybe we're not looking at hers. But yesterday and today, everyone is all stressed out and overwhelmed, and they used her as the target....granted, she contributes with the other teachers with the overwhelmingness. But today was just bad, They whispered in class about her, argued/debated over some concept, their tones of voices and the way they worded some things...... i feel bad, i could tell she was having a hard time. i feel bad. I just sat back and didn't participate. ....I was doodling on my paper :p because i didnt want to join the confusion and i allready know the math problems she was teaching....She told me and my friend later that she's glad we are good in class, after it was over. I didnt know what to say, but smile and say thanks....?
I dont think i could handle a bunch of students younger than me pushing me around....in a sense.
Then when outside class, they are always gossiping and backbiting her. I Am sick of hearing it, i should have stood up for her, but i didnt know what to say, so i just left.... And yes, some of the things she's done in clinicals, an.... she shouldn't have, but Its not right to judge her. I think the next time they backbite her, i should just tell them to stop.
And then People in my class will talk about the OTHER students!!!!! Or just other people at the school. Talk about who is fake to them, who is a jerk, who is stuck up, brown nosing, ect ect ect......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SHUT UP please! I am sorry for my ranting. And i am probably guilty for saying something in the past, but i've decided its not going to do anybody or anything good by doing so, We just had General Conference where the General Authorities talked to us about bein better Christians. I dont want that good feeling to go away. I am just sick and tired of all the drama and the rudeness and everything. I'm not perfect, and i dont want anybody reading this blog to think of me as some type of hypocrit, or perfect, or a prideful person because im not trying to look like i'm better than anybody else. I am just stating how i feel.
I ask if anybody is reading this, to look at people differently, Look past the oustide, Look on the inside, Look for the good in them, Treat them as a Beautiful human being! Look for the good! Try to imagine the christlike image inside them. Dont let evil feelings in! I'm sorry for preaching, but I need to Say something! I hope people will love more, its a better set of 4 letters than that of hate. So please, just Love.

As of recent..

Its Been a while since i Wrote, I am sorry its been so busy...........

Lets see, what is going on...

Well I went on another hike 2 weeks after the other one. We went to the Mini Grand canyon, and it was pretty darn cool:) Once i get pictures of it from my friend, i'll post it up.

Nursing school. ah! I am told that nursing students look older after they finish than before when they started, because of all the stress. I guess i wont mind looking 21 instead of 17 of 18:) well, i guess i'll be 23 when i'm finished. anyways, Nursing school is stressful, i knew it would be, I'm hanging in there. It feels weird if i am not studying. and if i get less than 4 hours studying a day, i feel like i wasted my time, even if what i was doing was important stuff. I am Proud to announce that I got an 85 on the Mental Health test....who'd a thought? :) everyone else i talked to got 70s or worse! Wow, I felt great! that is until i took the Pharmacology test the next week! i am not sure how i did, but if i get a 75, i will be happy:) My Teacher, Dr. Cartwrite Is Smart, she's a hard tester, but i think her tests are fair, unlike other tests i've had from other teachers..........

Lab and Clinicals are good too. I am nervous, I have pass offs for skills in lab, Its stuff i've done as a CNA, and now a little bit more, The RNs are the ones to pass us off, and Last time, My friend, Audrey and i had the Nazis. We were about to cry by the time we were done with pass offs, it was terrible, and then we straitway had to go take the mental health test. I'm glad i got an 85, on it.

We have SO much busy work! its insane!!! I feel like my homework is like my laundry. it is never ending, No matter what load you finish, there seems to be more, ha ha. Some of it is pointless, like my teacher for mental health gave us an assignment to Dress up like a trailblazer. ha ha.. no, Not the vehicle. Sad, huh. A trailblazer as in one who paved the way for nursing and what it is today, and i guess how it ties into mental health? it was dumb, But Audrey and I decided to Make it fun: We dressed up like Psychologists: Jean Piaget and Eric Erikson. Their theories are applied in nursing today. Most people dressed up or did their presentation on Florence nightengale, or Dorthea Dix. Not that those women weren't important or anything, but its nice to have a change in subject. :) We also had 2 guy Koreans dress up like women trailblazers, it was Very funny! Here are some pictures we took: Everyone got a kick out of us:)

I am Jean Piaget, and She's Eric Erikson :) Like my 'Stache?

I take My Job seriously.

This is Raphael, he's Florence Nightengale, with wings!

This is the other Korean, Sean, He's Mary Mahoney, the first black nurse. ha ha

This is Jin Yun ( think its spelled like that) She was trying on Audrey's wig and glasses:)

This is Brent, he's the hillarious one in class who makes those side jokes to lighten class up. He also tried out the Wig and Glasses

The glasses came with a nose, This is us studying in the library. We study hard....

Ok Now you can see what our patients look like, They are so happy to have us practice on them! :) He's Speechless.

Um, i found a wig:) and these are the patient beds we practiced on

Audrey and i Got all gowned up, how pretty huh? we coulnt help but take a pic!

Ok so Nursing class looks like a lot of fun huh? Well it can be, But i'm only putting up the fun stuff, because, who wants to see a stressed out student. Those kind of pics aren't as great. I'll eventually show the pics of us sleeping in class or in the library. :)


I guess things are going ok, Tests every week, and studying, But apart from THAT stuff, I am going to My Student Singles ward for Church, and i love it. I am Meeting some really amazing people and Taking an institute class. And........well its Dating and Courtship. I am taking it because of the guy teaching. I am not there to find out how to get a date. Brother Beaty is really Good and he Teaches about Such important things, like the atonement, and he doesn't ever emphasize GET MARRIED or anything like that, its a fun class and there are 78 people registered for that class! its a fun class:) I am liking it down here and happy to be here, i miss home and everything. But i love being away and learning and growing up in a sense. I am Grateful for my experiences and I love new experiences. Whether Hard or whatever they may be. SOme days are still hard, But The Lord knows my bad days and Helps me when i turn to him. :)

I'll write another blog when i have time....if i get it..haha:) Love to all!
~Megan