Waiting for the right one.

Today Has been and interesting Day. The date seemed like it was important somehow. But i couldn't place why. A thought occured to me that it has been 4 years since I met Michael. That day changed everything. I so happened to sit by him and make conversation with him and his friend. I am so shy i rarely do that. but sometimes something speaks to me and i just do it. Like how Madison and I became best friends because that day i decided to talk to her in 4th grade.

Well Here I am 4 years later from meeting him. In the course of those 4 years. I fell hard for him. and for a time he dropped off the face of the earth due to a tragedy in his life.Which was hard for me. Then when he came around. Our bond grew stronger. I moved to St George where I was actually able to see him in person. He lives in Vegas. I've never cared or Loved anybody more than I did him. The only problems were he's not LDS and distance. I hoped and prayed maybe i could help convert him. Though he never did. I never pushed him. I wish i had brought it up more to him. I was just scared. I was afraid to Have a relationship because i knew that if we had to break up because of these two issues, I won't compromise not being able to go to the temple.  I couldn't. I witheld so much. But i loved him so deeply. In a hard place. I prayed over a year ago for help separating because things I'd see on FB hurt me. I wondered if I was not in love with the person i knew wholly. Who was he? Well he got a Girlfriend last year. My heart broke. My prayers had been answered. It's taken me a year and I still think about him. In fact. I've thought about him every day for 4 years, still. I accidentally deleted him a few months back but It was good to cut off ties. As much as possible. little to no contact is best to separate. The past week or two have been hard because feelings came back after I notice he posted a video by Dashboard Confessional titled" end of an Anchor."  and he wrote " i miss you. " I KNOW that was for me. So its been on my mind a lot. I miss him too. I wish SO hard that he would say something. I randomly texted him a few months ago asking how he was doing and that I was thinking of him, and he replied that he thinks about me every day.  So I've fallen back into this habit of missing him and missing old times of when i felt so good inside because the love he felt for me.

Today especially. Frustrating. Trying to move on. and been fine till today. Went to his fb and just saw his profile picture. It was of him and this gorgeous girl. Must be his now girlfriend. how can it not? I just felt those feelings from last year breaking again. Here he is with someone. I'm still single Like I've always been. I sat down on the floor and began to cry. I noticed the picture of Christ on my wall.
So I realized and decided...
No, Megan. Stop crying.  He's not worth my tears any more. So I stopped. I will have someone worth the wait. This experience is going to help me realize how amazing my man will be. No he won't be perfect.But will be what I need. Someone God deems worthy to have me and cherish me.  He will love me. He is worth waiting for. He'll treat me better than any man I've dated has. And he'll be better than them. He will actually fight hard for me.  I have faith I'll find my man. What Michael and I had was important and i was meant to meet him. But it's a new season.And he's not a part of it. He probably never will be.  He's not worth my tears or thoughts any more. I can't keep holding on to memories of what it felt like to be loved. Even though I miss that feeling more than anything. And its been so long.....
So what I'm single and he has someone. God doesn't love me any less even if Michael does. I've been told it's worth the wait. I Believe it. And so help me. I'll wait a thousand years for that because I AM WORTH IT.